written Fall 2023
Oh Gods, it was really happening. She was really meeting her. Her heart was racing out of her chest, hands clammy where they held a cup of tea, leg bouncing against the old wooden park bench where she sat, surrounded by trees as green as she felt.
She could feel people's eyes on her. That was nothing new. But she had no way to tell if it was her looking at her, eyes useless behind her blacked-out glasses. Of course, uselessness was the point—if all she could see were a few centimeters of her peripheral vision, then she couldn’t accidentally hurt anyone.
The snakes on her head were equally restless, forming a dark cloud around her head, each one wriggling in a different direction as if trying as hard as she was to find her friend. She could feel the perimeter people gave her as a result. It didn't matter to people that gorgons could only turn people to stone through direct eye contact, nor that Aspasia had no desire to do that to anyone; they saw her, and they ran. She never even had a chance to explain herself.
That's where the Internet helped. She wasn't that repulsive, so long as people couldn't see her.
And that's where she had met Konstantina.
She felt stupid now—she should've known she couldn't hide behind a computer monitor forever. Inevitably, Konstantina would want to meet her face-to-face. After all, that's what humans did—they met in person, they made eye contact, they saw each other and didn't recoil… all the things that Aspasia couldn't do.
She prayed to whichever deity was listening (Aphrodite? Anteros? Pothos?) that by some stroke of luck, this woman would be different—different from every other person she had ever met.
Yeah. It… didn't sound likely to her, either.
There was a change in the air—something she couldn't quite describe. She heard the crunch of leaves near her, felt the difference in the wind as it hit a new obstacle, smelled the faint aroma of pomegranate. Heat, in front of her.
"Aspasia?"
The voice was soft around the edges, warm, crackling in Aspasia's ears like a hearth. It sounded like strawberries and peaches. It sounded like a temperate spring day back home in Lesbos. It sounded the way that Konstantina typed.
Quietly, barely above a mutter, she said her name back. "Konstantina?"
She could physically feel her friend perk up. "That's me! Mind if I sit?"
Aspasia just blinked behind her glasses. "Uh, o-of course," she stammered, scooting to the side of the bench. "I, uh, i-it's nice to meet you—in, uh, in the flesh, that is."
"It's so nice to meet you, too!!" Konstantina exclaimed. "I was all nervous this morning like, 'What if she doesn't like me once we meet? What if she suddenly thinks I'm awkward and not funny and all weird and stuff once I don't have the excuse of Internet delays and typos to hide behind? What if meeting IRL ruins whatever we have going on?' But my mom said I was being ridiculous, and that if you didn't like me in real life, you probably wouldn't've liked me online, either, and that really, I'm the same person online as I am in speech anyway, cuz that's just kind of who I am at my core or whatever, so surely if you liked me on Discord then you'd like me off Discord, too." Konstantina paused. Then, slower, quietly, she backed up. "But anyway, I'm rambling. I'm just. Well. Excited to meet you. Is. All."
Aspasia melted. Breaking out in a grin, she clumsily reached her hand out, not quite sure where Konstantina's was. Luckily, Konstantina understood and took it in hers. "I'm really excited to meet you, too," Aspasia said, voice smooth and dark like melted chocolate.
She could feel the light coming off of Konstantina's smile.
But she just couldn't help but bring it up. It would bother her for the rest of eternity if she didn't. So she slowly, hesitantly, softly asked, "You… you aren't put off by…?" With her other hand, still holding her tea, she gestured with a vague swirling motion to her hair and face. The snakes had stopped their dramatic, frenetic movements, now opting for smaller, nervous twitches where they were tightly coiled against her neck and shoulders.
"Hm?" Konstantina shifted where she sat. Aspasia wished she could see her expression. After a second, though, she let out a little oh of understanding. "The snakes, you mean? Nah, I'm not scared of reptiles. I actually went through a period when I was younger where all I wanted to do was learn about snakes. Are those horned vipers?"
Aspasia's eyes widened, brows rising. "I, uh… yeah, they are. But, like…" She grew quieter. "You… do know what I am, right?"
Through where their hands were connected, she felt Konstantina shrug. "I mean, like, I don't know the word, but like—like what Medusa was, right? From The Iliad or whatever?"
Aspasia nodded. "A gorgon, yeah," she confirmed. Then, leerily, she asked, "What do you… remember about Medusa?"
Konstantina let out a breath through her lips. "Pshhhh. I mean, she turned men to stone or something? I dunno, man, I was never into all that ancient shit. Epics aren't my thing—too comphet, too misogynistic. The only ancient I really care about is Sappho, for… well, obvious reasons." She rubbed her thumb against the back of Aspasia's hand. Aspasia felt blood rush to her cheeks.
"We turn people to stone if we meet their eyes," she explained, having to slow her speech so as not to stammer. "That's, uh, why I have the glasses. I don't want to risk it."
She felt Konstantina shift before she exclaimed, "That's so smart! I don't know if I would've thought of that. But it's like—like Bono: he wears those sunglasses because he has some kind of eye problem, right? It filters out the light so it doesn't hurt his eyes. You're just kinda doing the opposite, in a way—filtering out the light so you don't hurt someone else."
Aspasia relaxed a little in her seat, the tension melting from her face. She clarified, "You know that means I can't look you in the eyes… right?" Subconsciously, she held Konstantina's hand a little tighter, as if that would stop her from deciding to leave if she wanted to.
She didn't get the response she expected—although, to be fair, she wasn't sure what she was expecting. But it certainly wasn't the scoff Konstantina let out, nor was it the comment that followed: "Man, I'm Autistic; I wasn't gonna look you in the eyes anyway."
It took a second for what she'd said to sink in. When it did, Aspasia couldn't help but bark out a too-loud laugh of surprise. "You're—you're Autistic?" she double-checked.
Konstantina laughed. "Yeah! Eye contact is a no-go for me anyway. It makes me feel all icky, like someone's… I dunno, staring into my soul or something. It feels way too intimate, even with folk I'm really close to, like… like my mom, you know? So if your one concern is that we'll make eye contact and you'll turn me to stone or something, I can
Aspasia closed her eyes, letting her thumb rub little circles into Konstantina's jawline. Blinking back tears, she cleared her throat. Softly, gently, as if afraid to break the moment, she asked, "Would you… want to go for coffee?”
She felt the corner of Konstantina's lips turn upward. "I would love to."